Searching for Forgiveness in Vietnam

I was reclining in a communal room in a foot massage parlor in Hanoi. With me were three ex-Vietcong guerrilla fighters from the Vietnam War. We all wore striped shorts that looked like prison issue, and we were groaning with pleasure and pain as our sore spots were massaged by young therapists.

I flashed back to the day, more than 35 years ago, when I left the U.S. because I was in such a rage about the war. I moved to Paris, where negotiations were going on between America and Vietnam and antiwar protests were vigorous. I stayed away from the U.S. for nine years, living in Europe and Africa, and I’ve always been haunted by the war.

Last month, I finally went to Vietnam, driven by the necessity of finding out what had happened since then — and how they felt about us now. My guide, Cuong, had been a Vietcong guerrilla, and it was through him that I met ex-soldiers, Communist Party members, kids, and elders; he had set up the foot massage so I could hang with his old military buddies.

“Are you angry about the war?” I asked them.

They gave me the same answers that everyone had given me all over Vietnam:

“It’s over.”

“We welcome Americans.”

“We have met with American soldiers who came back here. They came full of guilt, and some even went to apologize in villages where they had killed people. We embraced and cried.”

I turned away in tears. Today, several hundred thousand Vietnam veterans live on the streets of America. More former soldiers committed suicide after the Vietnam War than died in combat. Post-traumatic stress disorder has ruined even more relationships and lives. The conflict in Southeast Asia still is an open wound on our national conscience.

But in Vietnam, there’s another story. They welcome Americans, French, Japanese — all their former enemies — and look to the West for inspiration. The Communist Party still holds sway, but there is roaring free enterprise, a thriving stock market, open discussion and criticism of the Party, and an unstoppable individualism and ingenuity. Vietnam is high on the tourist radar because it is safe, beautiful, varied, modern, tribal, and exotic.

In Hanoi, where Ho Chi Minh once walked the streets in his rubber sandals and did strategic war planning, you can shop, ride in a human-propelled cyclo, see a water puppet show, or watch break-dancers. In the Gulf of Tonkin, site of the purported ship bombing that led the U.S. into the war, you can cruise Halong Bay, with its 1,969 spectacular sandstone islands. You can fly to Da Nang, once home to 45 U.S. military bases, and have a custom wardrobe made in 24 hours in nearby Hoi An.

You also can follow the trail of the war, as I did. The infamous Hanoi Hilton prison is open for visits. There’s a plaque marking the spot where John McCain’s plane went down, and the wreckage of a bomber is still in a lake in Hanoi. You can learn about what the locals refer to as the American War at the War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) and crawl through the tunnels at Cu Chi, where the fighters from the North conducted their guerrilla war against American troops.

“How have you managed to put the American War behind you?” I asked everyone I met. Their answers were surprisingly similar — the Vietnamese are so happy not to be at war or under foreign occupation that they are concentrating on the present, on making money and on bettering themselves. The war represents the past; their focus is on the now and the future.

“Do you mean you really have no resentment against us?” I asked.

The answer was simple: “You are forgiven.”

It was reassuring to know that even when a country is destroyed, it can come back with great vigor. I was humbled by a people who have suffered so much and chose forgiveness.

I am convinced that when we travel where our hearts and curiosity take us, we can find unexpected answers and blessings, and marvels beyond our imaginations. And, if we are lucky, we will also find a balm for our aching souls.

Judith Fein is an author, filmmaker, and public speaker. See globaladventure.us.

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