Resenting My Resentments

How can I clear my heart and soul of jealous feelings that I have to specific people? People I feel who have wronged me or been able to circumvent the policies, regulations, rules, whatever for their own personal benefit? 

One woman is my former pastor. Some see her as healing and helpful and some others see her as I do -- sanctimonious, insincere, and lacking the ability to keep confidences. She chooses her favorites -- those who give quite a bit to the church -- and they are given carte blanche. 

I am so angry and find that I am obsessed with this jealousy. I've tried to pray for them and for

these awful feelings to leave, but I keep pulling them back in. Thank you for reading this and for any advice you may share. I feel so angry and I don't want to feel this way, but I must want to on some level, because I keep holding on to these feelings.

I understand your dilemma because I share it. You feel the way you do because things just aren't that way you want them to be. So your problem is less what others do, and more your inability to control the world and make it fit your expectations. Not only is this true about the people around you, but it is true regarding yourself as well. 

So what can you do? Here is a 13 Step program I have devised just for you. I think I will try it myself, however, if you don't mind:

1. Stop wishing things to be other then they are. 

2. Realize that you can't control what others do. 

3. Realize that you can't control your own thoughts or feelings. 

4. Realize that the only thing you can control is what you do. 

5. See where your behavior may be contributing to your unhappiness (and the unhappiness of others). 

6. Change that behavior. 

7. Be clear with yourself about how you want to live your life. 

8. Do what you can to live that life starting today. 

9. Don't expect anyone to change. 

10. Don't expect your feelings to change. 

11. Regardless of your feelings keep doing what you can to live the life you want to live. 

12. Notice that the more you live the life you want, the less those nasty feelings haunt you.

13. Read books by Byron Katie and Reynolds.

I hope this helps us both.