CONNECTIONS: Jesus' Solutions to Bullying
Issue:
2008 Sept/Oct
Article Type:
Updates & Observations
The reason bullying is skyrocketing in our country, says Jewish school psychologist Izzy Kalman, is that anti-bullying policies violate the teachings of Jesus. So Kalman, a child of Holocaust survivors, has been teaching kids, adults, and school professionals how to stop bullying by modeling Jesus, who Kalman calls "a great psychologist."
Rather than preaching against bullies, Jesus taught people to stop thinking like victims. He taught the practice of the Golden Rule, the universal principle of wisdom and morality, loving our enemies, and turning the other cheek, says Kalman.
At the foundation of Kalman's anti-bullying technique is the advice that we stop reacting to words - almost all violence begins with words. He advises children to give bullies permission to call them names because it is their upset response that perpetuates the teasing. Learning to tolerate aggression, which Kalman says is "a normal, genetically programmed behavior," is a key to resilience. Witness the ridiculousness of words in this sample dialogue from Kalman's manual for adults: Johnny reports to Mom, "Bill said I'm a jerk." Mom: "Do you believe it?" John: "No!" Mom: "Good." Most likely, the child will have nothing more to say. Not only is the incident is over, but Mom's response places responsibility directly upon the victim's shoulders, where it should be. Whether or not he is upset is entirely up to him, not the bully.
Says Kalman, "It's so nice to discover that 2,000 years ago, the most famous Jew in the world was teaching people how to turn their bullies into buddies."
For more information and free manuals, including extended dialogues, go to Bullies2Buddies.com.
Betsy Robinson
to your door!
Life is a choice.
Isn't life a choice? My parents taught me that no matter how much you want to tease a person, no matter how a person acts or how naive the person is, everybody deserves respect and that we should respect EVERYBODY. In other words, bullies have the right to be disciplined.
What if a child disobeys and her mother beats her to death? Do you think the child is "provojing her'', ''playing the role of a victim"? And that the mother's action is ''human'' and that all parents are abusers?
Gosh, whatever happened to self-control!!
Bullies Never Learn
Ignoring bullies does nothing but ruin the health of the victim - and the bully only turns up the effort until it can't be ignored. My mother gave me that useless advice, and I take 4 blood pressure drugs to show for it.
The Columbine murderers understood that there are only two ways to effectively deal with a bully. You avoid the bully or you destroy the bully utterly. They chose the latter (only high school in the town?) and committed suicide to avoid the bullies in jail.
Any other action only makes matters worse and ruins your health. You cannot appease a bully any more than you can appease a terrorist. Same with ignoring them. Trying to involve authority makes matters worse and usually backfires anyways. Having an entire childhood of expierence with being bullied (no exaggeration) taught me that dreadful lesson. When that tragedy happened I instantly understood why it happened. I cannot condone such violence, however.
Izzy Kalman's approach to bullying
Izzy Kalman has no problem with even the cruelest forms of bullying. While he objects to what he calls the demonization of bullies, he demonizes bullied kids, saying they are full of hatred. He actually seems to identify with powerful people who can push others around. In Kalman's warped view, the bully is not to be held accountable for his behavior ever. The claim that the Golden Rule does not apply to bullies is baloney! All those who agree with Kalman are advancing a pro-bully agenda. Shame on you people!
Reply to Anonymous
You put many words into my mouth that I never said and intentions that I never had. Unfortunately, when we hate, our emotional brains take over our rational minds, and this is true whether the object of our hatred is Blacks, Jews, Muslims, gays or bullies. I suggest that you read both my words and those of Jesus with an open mind.
Best Wishes,
Izzy Kalman
Izzy must be totally immune to stress
Dear Izzy, it must be nice to be so completely immune to stress. Maybe you'd be immune to waterboarding too.
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