Your Choice! Your Decision!

by Paul Sutherland

 “Decisions, decisions decide which way we go” was a line of happy sing-songy poem Mother and Dad recited when I was a kid and had a decision to make. It recently rang in my head as I watched an elephant stare down our open-air jeep during our trip to South Africa. Again I heard it as I visited Nelson Mandela’s museum and went to Robben Island, where he was interned for 17 years. “Decisions, decisions decide which way we go” repeated as I listened to stories of Mandela’s release from prison — how he showed no hatred, no desire for revenge nor actions that expressed any victimhood for his people or himself. Nelson Mandela made a decision to reconcile and rebuild his country. 

A postcard I bought on the trip sits in front of me now — simple words on a brown background, watermarked with the word alchemy: “It is what we make out of what we have, not what we are given, that separates one person from another.” Mandela had more than 20 years to decide what to express to the world, and this sentence is what he chose. For more than 6,000 days he sat in solitary confinement, knowing he could be shot at any moment, but he did not give up. I believe he made the decision to surrender to the fact that he could die before his country was set right. He decided to engage in “non-attached right behavior.” He chose to be a man of virtue, to express love, understanding, and compassion, even to his prison guards. Perhaps most important, he accepted that he was a man who had needs and desires like other men.

In South Africa Mandela’s personal life is all over the press. He chose to remarry twice, even though there was pain from his past relationships. He chose to have children, even though he knew the future was uncertain. He’s lived, fallen down, and gotten up. Over and over he’s chosen to try again with grace, gratitude, and humility.

Life is made up of lots of tiny decisions, and not doing something is a decision that’s as powerful as doing — for example, to smile or not to smile. A smile not rendered has caused me to wonder, Is this a guy I can do business with? Like most people, I want to work with and be around happy people. So I don’t tend to hire people who emulate Winnie the Pooh’s curmudgeonly friend, Eeyore. A sad face and negative attitude, combined with an “I’m a victim; oh, woe is me” button on the forehead may seem intrinsic to some people, but its daily expression is a choice that determines (per my parents’ song) the way they go.

So which way will we decide to go? We are in a recession now, and many people are losing their jobs; many are finding their businesses have more competition, and, with the high cost of gas and food, there is less income to trade for goods and services. Now, more than ever, learning the habit of good decision-making is helpful. No one wishes to talk about self-control, sacrifice, or short-term pain for long-term gain, but I believe we are wired for balanced and responsible living.

Living in the moment is the key to balance. This moment contains all of our past and all of our future in its essence. Knowing that allows us to decide, “I will bring a bag lunch to work so I can put more in my savings.” Being aware of each moment and our interconnection to everything also allows us to see that we or our loved ones need time to regenerate and relax. But if we’re deciding to be balanced, we will realize that down time could be a self-created spa weekend at home rather than an expensive trip.
I have not met Nelson Mandela, but I have met people who have paid thousands of dollars to sit in austerity and silence at retreats for weeks or months. Mandela was forced to be in jail away from his family. That was the extent of his punishment. His guards did not control his thoughts, his emotions, his choices, or how he would react to a guard’s attempt to ridicule, humiliate, or dehumanize him. Like us, Mandela did not know what the future would hold. He made good choices anyway.

Paul Sutherland is president of FIM group, manager of the Utopia Funds, and the author of Zenvesting (spiritualityhealth.com/zenvesting). Email questions to paul@spiritualityhealth.com.

To see some of Paul’s favorite Nelson Mandela quotes, go to SpiritualityHealth.com.